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Current Location:Parents house
Subject:No more Drama
Time:06:50 pm
Current Mood:indifferentindifferent

So . . . they broke up . . . ^_______________^

I feel like pulling a Dr. Cox and run through the streets, only, instead of screaming, “It’s blue, she’s not pregnant, *swings bathrobe over head and chucks it* It's blue!”  I would be yelling, “It’s over!   They aren’t dating!  Its finally over!!”

I’m crazy, it’s cool XD

Now that I’m not in the middle of it, I’m looking back at it going, “Wait, that wasn’t all that big a deal, was it . . .” *Major face palm*  I was in to close, and was taking things to personally.  Yay for not seeing the big picture!  *bangs head on wall*  Now, if I can just remember this lesson for the future . . .

So, I have no idea what’s going to happen now, so . . . hello couch, I’m going to chill on you for a while.  Mmm . . . good couch.

Anyway, lets move on to non-boy stuff shall we?

My weekend with grandma went much better then I expected it to.  She didn’t get up set or hurt feelings about anything!  I wasn’t as bored as thought I would be, and I got to use the neighbors wireless Internet. 

The only part that I would say was bas was when we went to walmart with her to do all her shopping.  It was all bad, but there toward the end I was starting to get really irritated with how . . . slow? indecisive? she was.  We had reached the produce, and my dad was about to go off and look for the candy.  I totally jumped on that and was like, “I can go look for the chocolate, if you want.”   I knew I needed a break, and then I was fine. 

I was impressed by the fact that she had a coupon for EVERYTHING!  It makes me wish I at least got the Sunday paper.  I never use coupons, and really should.

She took us out to dinner, which was very good, and loaded us up with food when we left.  Over all, it was a pretty good weekend. 

Here is to hoping for no more drama! *Crosses fingers*

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Current Music:Pandora Radio
Current Location:Grandmas
Time:04:04 pm
Current Mood:draineddrained
So, a friend of mine posted this as her status on facebook:

Joy will come when you pass on the love you have received. If you
hoard love, it melts away. If you lock love, it breaks free. If you grab
on to love, you end up holding an illusion. When you let love flower in
its own way, it stays to support you. When you pass on love, it
multiplies beyond measure

The line about holding up an illusion?  Yeah, I need that one beat into my head, lol.  I'm doing better today.
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Current Location:Grandmas
Subject:More boy issues . . . merrg
Time:10:32 pm
Current Mood:frustratedfrustrated

So, I feel I should update upon the boy situation.  Lots more drama.  You think I’d learn?  Denial is a powerful beast when you want something. 

So, about a week after he started dating the other girl, it became obvious that the relationship wasn’t serious at all.  I got up some nerve and I flat out asked his girlfriend, who is a friend of mine, if I would be allowed to touch said boy if he came to Manhattan with me for a bit.  She said she didn’t care.  I was like, sweet!   The boy was ok with it too, and exited to visit, so I took him to Manhattan for 6 days,  It was what we had planned before the whole dating thing started. 

The week was awesome!  We had so much fun.  He always walked the dogs with me, and did the dishes after I cooked, lol.  I hate the dishes, and he said it was the least he could do for food and shelter.  He also helped me put my futon together. I honestly could not have put it up with out him. We watched all of Chobbits and Berserk, and went to the zoo.  After the zoo, we had a picnic in a cemetery.  It was a lot of fun to walk around.  There were some beautiful head stones.  He’s the first boy that I can hold hands with, without it being awkward! lol.  He’s not much taller than I am, so it worked out really well.

Oh, I should mention that the sex was awesome ^_~

Eventually, the week came to an end and I had to take him back.  I had a flight to catch to Texas.  I promised my aunt I’d help her move.  I cried when I dropped him off.  I missed him a lot when I was in Texas  ^^;

Texas was pretty fun.  It was really nice to see my aunt again.  I expected to do a lot of cleaning, from like 9am to 7pm or something, but I ended up watching more TV than cleaning, lol.  My aunt got me hooked on the show MI5, from the UK.  It’s really good, and deep!

I learned some new things about said boy while I was in Texas, through texts and phone calls, and I got a lot of lectures from my aunt about him.  She REALLY didn’t like him, and was convinced he’s bad news.  I knew where she was coming from, and she made valid points, but I wasn’t going to be serious with him . . .  I knew from the beginning that he wasn’t long term material, but I could still have fun for a while, right?  

I was so exited to see him when I got back on Tuesday.  I only had three nights and two days, because I had to leave for my grandmothers that Friday.  I do have an ear infection, so there was a chance that I could use that as an excuse to not go visit my grandmother.  I know that sounds horrible, but I’m always so bored at my grandmother’s house.  That’s where I’m writing this, actually.

Anyway, we hung out again the night I got back, and I ended up sleeping over with him, his girlfriend, and a mutual friend.  I left the next morning while he was still asleep (he had had insomnia for a while and this was the first time he’d slept in 3 days), and everything seemed OK.  I noticed slightly different behavior in his girlfriend, and I realized that I might have crossed a line when I slept over, but she said she didn’t care when I asked her if I could sleep over . . .

I had to leave early because I had to make a doctors appointment for my ear infection, then actually go to it.  I’ve got meds now, so hopefully it clears up soon. 

I get a call later that day. It’s from the boy!  And he’s telling me that his girlfriend suddenly became possessive, and that I probably shouldn’t see him that night to give his girlfriend some time to chill. 

I’m like ok, I’m slightly upset but I’ll deal.  He’s not my boyfriend after all, and It’s not like I couldn't see him the next day, right?  We ended up talking on AIM all day, and well into the night.  We talked about anything and everything, lol.  I even downloaded the AIM app for my phone because my mother, father and I had to go pick up my brother from the airport.  His plane was an hour late.  Before I went to bed, we ended up talking on the phone for and hour and a half.  I was sad to end the conversation, but I’d had a pretty good day.

The next morning I wake up to the boy calling.  I was a little bit exited, because I had a mini day trip planned with him.  I pick up the phone, and he tells me that after he fell asleep, his girlfriend got onto the computer and read our IMs.  I would like to point out that this was snooping, and none of her business!  Anyway, she’s now decided that she doesn’t want an open relationship anymore, and is now really pissed at the boy.  Neither of us can remember what on earth we could have said that would make her so upset.  So he tells me that she is his girlfriend, and that he doesn’t want to talk to me until this is worked out. 

Needless to say I was crying on and off all that day.  I had deluded myself . . . AGAIN!  I’m not in it for long term, so why am I so upset?  I mean, yeah, he is the first boy in 5 years that I’ve been attracted to, but that shouldn’t be so important . . .  should it?

I wasn’t expecting to talk to him for at least a few days, if again, so I’m surprised when he calls me that night.  He’s saying that his girlfriend is refusing to talk to him about it, and is still really pissed at him.  He can’t get her to even answer his questions.  She just answers without answering.  He's not even sure if they are still dating.  He asks if he can come stay with me in Manhattan again for a while, if that is still an option for him.  I, being the stupid person I am, say sure, not a problem.  I mean, who wants to stay with someone who’s pissed at them, and won’t even tell them why?  I forgive to easily, that’s my problem.

Oh, I should probably mention that he’s going back to Tennessee, his home, for about two months. He wants to get a job, get his teeth looked at, and tie up some loose ends.  He’d planed to go back some time in August.  After that, he was going to live with his girlfriend for 4 to 8 months.  Granted, she had planned to break up with him when he went to Tennessee, so they would just be friends when he was living with her after that.  If he was going to stay with me in Manhattan, then I would have taken him to Tennessee, or given him bus money, then he would have come to live with me again afterward, rather than his current girlfriend.  I was going to take him back by August 1st, because that’s his mother’s birthday, and she wanted him to be there. 

That night I end up hanging out with him in a park. He’s pretty down, and I’m not incredibly happy with him, but we talked, and before long were having fun.  I have to admit I was exited to see him, because I honestly thought I wasn’t going to see him again.  I didn’t want to say goodbye when he walked me to my car, but it was late, and I was traveling the next day. 

We did work out that he wanted to stay for the weekend to see if he could work things out, so I decided that if I couldn’t hang out with him anyway, I might as well go to my grandmothers. I do feel slightly guilty that I didn’t really want to go, and still don’t really want to be here. My grandmother won’t be around much longer, and I should spend time with her, even if we have nothing in common.

So, he texts me today.  He’s decided that he’s not going to Manhattan at all, and he’s going to stay and try to work things out. 

I had deluded myself . . . YET AGAIN!  This is the third fucking time!  Have I learned yet?  Gods I hope so.  I hate drama, and the pain of this is really starting to get to me.  Being on the side sucks, and just reminds me that I’m number 2 and always will be. I’m not important enough.  My walls are starting to go up again whether I want them to or not, and my inner voice has made me cry a lot more that it usually does. 

Now that he’s staying, she’s taking him back to Tennessee on the 7th.  If that’s ok, then why was it so important that I get him there by the 1st?  Getting him there by the first was going to be really complicated and hard for me, but I was still going to do it.  I’m so frustrated with him!

Sorry for the complaining. I’m just wondering if I write this down, maybe I’ll finally just stop talking to him for good.  I value his friendship, but I can’t keep this shit up. 

I wish he’d just make up his mind.  It’s not like his relationship with her is serious in the first place.  Hell, it’s not like my relationship with him is serious, so why do I even care?!

Sorry for ranting.  Will the creature of denial and delusion please let go?  I want my rational, grounded self back.  Thanks. 

Denial has proven to be much to powerful for me. 

(2 hours later)

So, I just talked with him on the phone.  We might not be talking? May not even be friends anymore?  Most probably never see him again.  His bridges with me have been burned at this point, but I am so weak when it comes to him, that they could easily be built again.

I am in between the worlds of delusion and reality.  I am finally out of the fantasy land, have no idea how I feel, and hope I can make it back to the real world.  I just wish it didn't hurt so much to come back from a dream.  

I keep looking, and hoping for there to be some way to have both, but that's what I was trying to do that ended up leading me to this point.  I have to choose one or the other, don't I?  If those are indeed my choices, it's really not much of a choice, is it?  I have to pick reality, or I will forever be in pain for wanting what I can't have. 

He made me so happy, and yet I've never had one person make me cry so much.

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Current Location:Home
Subject:Horrible 3 Days
Time:12:04 pm
Current Mood:draineddrained

The past three days have been some of the wost I've experianced.  The worst would be yesterday, but the previous two contributed to the over all consuming  . . .  bad.   Building bad on top of bad equals really bad.

Horrible day 1: June 29

First, I woke up because my real estate manager was calling, at 8:30am.   I had gone to bed at 5am.  There was maintenance out side my door, and he needed in to look at my shower.  So I got up, dressed quickly, and let him in.  He was there for maybe 5 minutes, tops.  They were going to have to call the plummer.  After he left, I couldn’t go back to sleep.  So, I got up and started my day.  One of the things I wanted to do was go to Hobby Lobby.  I ended up spending more than I wanted because some stuff wasn't actually on sale.  I must have miss read a sign or something. 

The next thing was packing the car.  I was supposed to go on a trip with my brother and mother the next day.  In packing the car, I get scared by two different wasps, on two separate occasions.  So, now I’m working on sleep deprivation, stress because I always stress over money, and had two fear induced adrenalin rushes.  Needless to say, I wasn’t in the best of moods. 

Yeah, I thought I was irritated when I headed off for Kansas City.  Not by a long shot.  There were SO many STUPID drivers!  I had to slam on my breaks and hit the horn on no less than three different occasions.  IDIOTS!  I was so pissed off by the time I got home.  I went to bed early.  I didn't want to be any more of a pain to my family.

Horrible day 2: June 30

I get woken up by my mother, who tells me the trip is off.  I had gone through all that the day before, to have the whole reason for it canceled. 

The afternoon wasn’t that bad. My mother took my brother and I out for sushi, and it was very good, as always.  I didn’t have much of an appetite, so I took a box home. My mother, brother and I then went out and got dad his birthday gift: a new car radio. When he came home from work we presented it to him, and showed him how it worked.  He really liked it, which is good.  I not sure if I have the money to spend, that I said I would pitch in.  I need to find a bartending job, and soon.

After that, one of my friends asked if I could help him clean out his parents garage.  I said sure, but I knew I would have to come home for dinner about an hour after I went over to his place.  My dad was grilling, and his non-mistress was coming over.  Cleaning the garage wasn't to bad, though I got two bug bites, and knew I was going to come back and help finish cleaning after dinner.  I came home when I was supposed to, and ended up waiting another hour.  Another hour that I could have been out.  I don’t ever like it when my dads non-mistress is over.  The energy in the house changes, and I just plain don’t like her.  She is always the one talking, and always has something to say.  She reminds me of my dads mom, in how she kinda bosses him around. 

Anyway, I couldn't eat much.  I could tell my dad was disappointed that I didn't even try my stake, but I just couldn’t stay there any longer.  I went back over to my friends house, and helped him finish the garage.  My legs are now SO bug bitten!  From the knees down, each leg has to have about two dozen bites.  Ugh.  I spent the rest of my conscious night over at my friends place.

Horrible day 3: July 1

So this one needs a little back-story:

About four weeks ago, I met a guy.  I instantly knew I wanted to be his friend.  I’ve only ever felt that way about a person once before, and that was with my friend Kat in Minnesota.  So, I flat out gave him my number.  He texted me the next day, and we’ve been texting every day since.  My like for him grew more and more, especially since we were flirting a lot. 

We were texting, and not hanging out in real life, because he was out traveling with a friend of mine.  She had brought him to Kansas City from Tennessee, and he was tagging along with her.  He volunteered to help her move from Kansas to North Carolina, and then there was a random detour to Alabama.  Anyway, there were plans for him to come and visit me for a week when he got back to Kansas City!  I was so exited.  I have to admit, I let my imagination run a bit.  I haven’t been even attracted to anyone in five years.  Five! I go my hopes up.  On this day, the first of July, we were supposed to have lunch because he had finally gotten back to Kansas the night before. So, lets go to that eventful morning, shall we?

I get woken up because my puppy is screaming in the next room.  In my rush to get to her, I basically fell off my loft bed and landed on my knees.  I didn’t care about that at the time, and ran into the next room.  Ella was fine, but apparently my mothers dog, Jake, had been playing way to rough with her.  I took her back to bed with me.  It was at this time that I realized my knees were really hurting, and I was shaking with an adrenalin rush.  Both knees are black and blue now, and I couldn't’ straighten my left knee all the way yesterday.  It was too swollen.  I should mention that my mother and brother went out on a mini trip, and dad was at work.

So, I’m lying in bed, trying to calm down enough to go back to sleep when I get a text.  It’s the boy I like!  I’m always delighted when he texts me.  Then I actually read the text.  He’s telling me that he and my friend are now dating.  Yeah.  I started almost instantly to cry.  Lunch was canceled, obviously.  I was much more hurt than I should have been.  I guess I liked him even more than I realized.  I couldn’t stop crying for about 2 hours.

 We continued to text all afternoon.  I had a lot of questions, which he answered honestly.  He still liked me, but apparently she had just sprung the question on him, and he said yes without thinking about it.  I wanted to go home.  I wanted to just leave, and go back to Manhattan, but I had to run two errands first.  So, when I stopped crying for a while, I went out to get stain for my futon, and alcohol.  I knew I couldn't not have alcohol when I got home.  So I packed the car, and left.

When I got home, I unlock the door and  . . .  the knob wont turn.  I’m like, ok, don’t panic, it’s done this before.  I put the dogs leashes down, and fiddle with the knob for about 10 minutes, trying to get the mechanics inside it to unlock, so I can open my door.  Nothing works!  My door is unlocked, but I can’t open it because the knob won’t turn.  The knob isn’t even the lock!  There’s a dead bolt.  That’s the lock.  The knob just opens the door!  I can’t call the real estate manager, because they closed fifteen minutes before I got to my apartment.  So, I did the only thing I could.  Using my shoulder, I threw my weight repeatedly against the door until it broke open.  It took about 10 times to get it, and of course I now have a nice bruise where I was pointing the weight to go on my shoulder.  I have no idea what to tell my real estate manager.  How to I tell her I had to break down my door? 

When I got in, I simply sat down on my favorite chair and just bawled.  I can’t remember the last time I cried like that.  Yeah, I’d been crying for most of the day, but those were silent tears.  I finished unpacking the car when I stopped crying, again, and got myself a drink.  That was the first thing I’d had to eat that day.  Booze.  I later worried down a few spoonfuls of soup, but that was all.  I had another drink, then gave in and got out my pipe.

End Horrible Days . . .  Please?

I have incredibly bug bitten legs, bruised knees, a bruised shoulder, and am kind of an emotional train wreck.  I also think I did something to my left ankle when I hurt my knees, because it hurts whenever I go up and down the stairs. I also, somehow, hurt my other shoulder and the right side of my rib cage when I broke open my door.

Can the bad be over?  Please?  

I really don't want to go back to Kansas City over the 4th.



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Subject:Bad moring
Time:05:32 pm
Current Mood:sadsad
This morning, Artemis, my ferret had to be put to sleep.  She got out, unbeknownst to me, and was attacked by three of the family dogs.  I was already getting up to see what the dogs were doing when I heard her scream.  She was slowly dying of pancreatic cancer, and was loosing weight and weak. May she rest in peace. 
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Current Location:Home
Subject:Bar Tending School
Time:11:31 pm
Current Mood:irritatedirritated
I'm taking a bar tending class! I'm very exited for this because if I could have any job in the fictional world, I'd want to be a potions master.  In the real world, I can either be herbal medicine doctor, or a bar tender.  A herbal medical doctor doesn't make much money, a PA does, and bar tending will bring in some good money on the side while I'm still in college.  Modeling does bring in money, yes, when there are classes available and you can fit your schedule and the teachers schedule together.  The money might be good, but the hours are few and far between sometimes.  Also, I doubt medical school will have a figure drawing class, and I'll need some other job I can fall back on.  Thus, bar tending school  ^_^

It's a two week summer course, and I'm taking it with my brother.  I'm home with my parents for this class, and my brother is living at home for the summer.  Today was our first class.  Wow, was that intense!  It's going to take me a lot of practice.  We free pour everything in class, and it's a learning curve for me.  It takes a lot more arm strength than I would have expected, and with fickle pour spouts, and getting the timing just right, it quickly becomes complicated.  I know I'll get it with time and practice, so I'm trying not to worry about it.  They encourage the students to practice before class, there's time to practice in class, and you can stay after to practice if you want. 

The class itself, I think, is very well run.  There's lecture time, then practice time.  The one my brother and I are taking is from 1pm to 5pm.  There are about 2 to 3 breaks.  I really like the hands on part of it, and the other students are very nice, and try to help.  It's a mixed class of beginning students, and students starting their second week,  It sounds weird, but the people running the place make it work rather well.  You can literally pick your own schedule from the afternoon classes, night classes, and weekend classes.  They of course recommend that you do a two week course, or some odd number of weekend classes to stay consistent.

There are no tests besides the final exam, but there are quizzes at the beginning of every class, except for the first day of course, over what you learned the previous class.  In addition to providing a textbook, they even give you flashcards, a pen and a highlighter at the start of your course!  My brother and I did flash cards tonight, and I'm currently on a break from studying.  I've been studying since 8:30pm, while watching TV with the family.  Everyone went to bed at 10:10pm.  I can't remember the last time I went to bed that early!   11:00pm is early for me!  I told my brother he should stay up and study, but he got really grumpy and said something about studying tomorrow and then something about how he'd rather fail the quiz then stay up.  And suddenly, I can understand why he hates school so much!

As a pre-med student, I'm only at the tip of the iceberg for how much studying I have to do, and I've learned so many ways to study, and what physical tolls you have to take to get the knowledge you need.  Yes, cramming does work, but not for long term memory.  I've learned this the hard way.  For this class, for me anyway, I need to study as much as I can tonight before bed.  Memorize everything I possibly can before my brain says no more, then sleep on it.  It will be a small review session or two  tomorrow, and I'll be good.  My brother didn't even review his flashcards before bed.  All he did was write them, and unless you are trying to memorize them while writing them, they won't just stick in your mind.  Trust me. 

To really know something, you have to take breaks from it,  We have 25 different drink recipes to memorize for tomorrow.  You can't just sit down and memorize them all at one time!  Try your best, look them all over, then take a break.  It's best to do it over a few days, but we don't have that, so studying with long breaks is the best way.  For me anyway, and according to my previous psychology professor. 

I really hope my brother does OK in this course. 
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Time:12:16 am
Current Mood:highhigh
Here are some more pictures of Ella, I can't resist ^^  Right now she is almost 12 weeks old, and about 3 pounds.

Ella, on my lap under a blanket

Ella, on my lap on top of the blanket, being adorable!

Anika and Ella asleep next to me in my chair.  They are so cute!
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Subject:Good stuff . . . right?
Time:09:23 pm
Current Mood:pensivepensive

So, lots have been going on.  Good stuff!  All good stuff . . . right.  Think positive.  I’m being hard on my self and I know it’s stupid, but I still kinda feel like a looser.

So, good news.  I got a new puppy!  I absolutely love her  ^_^  Her name is Ella.  She is a Rat terrier.  We are assuming she is pure bred, as she came from a Hoarder who collected Rat terriers.  She was one of the puppies my mother fostered for Animal Haven.   Today, she is 9 weeks old (born on March 9th), and 2 pounds, 7 ounces.   She’s a tiny bundle of cute!

She gets along great with Anika, they even sleep curled up with each other, but Cole is a grump to all the puppies he’s ever encountered.  I’m sure his relationship with her will get better as she gets older.  Or, at least I hope it will. 

We went for her fist walk today, and she did great!  When I first put her on a leash over this past weekend, she was resistant, but did eventually follow me.  I didn’t work with her long the first time.  I’ve been working with her in small time increments over the past few days, and it really paid off!  She isn’t resistant to the leash at all any more. 

Since she is good with the leash, I’m going to slowly start expanding her walking distance.  I don’t want to exhaust her, and her paw pads aren’t ready for longer walks yet.  I’m going to slowly build her up and when she’s ready, I walk her with the rest of my pack.  I know her relationship with Cole will get better when they can all walk together. 

When we go out for potty breaks, I don’t even put Ella on a leash.  She just follows me everywhere.  It’s adorable!  Honestly, the leash is just for safety when we go for walks.  If I were working with her out in the country, I wouldn’t use a leash.  Well, during the day at least. 

The latest challenge is working on stairs.  She can go up the small ones ok, but she is very resistant to go down.  I got her do go down one, but that was all.  We will work on it more tomorrow. 

In addition to my new little one, who is sleeping in my lap as I type this, I ended up with a new ferret.  I know, lots of new animals at once, but trust me, I didn’t plan this one.  I’ve wanted a new dog since last semester, but the ferret was kinda sprung on me. 

One of my friends from history class told me about how her brother-in-law was treating his ferret.  Apparently, he changed her cage maybe once every 2 months, usually longer, and never let her out.  She didn’t have any shots, and was left alone in her cage all the time.  She didn’t even have a litter box, but the whole bottom of her cage was filled with kitty liter.  She was also on the cheapest food they could get, and they got it at walmart *shudders*  The poor diet really shows in her coat.   

My friend asked me if I would take the ferret if she could get her brother-in-law to give her up.  I said sure, not really thinking about it.  Well, she asked him, and he agreed and said it would be better for his ferret.  Considering he is 13, my friend and I were both surprised by this.  So, I ended up with a new ferret.

I asked my friend if she could take the ferret to the vet for a check up, and to get her shots.  She said of course, and I paid for the vet visit.  She got a clean bill of health, and her shots.  I am going to slowly introduce the new ferret, currently Charlotte, to my ferrets in a few days.  She is supposed to be in quarantine for the next few days, or I would do it today.  Charlotte’s cage smells, not surprising, and all her bedding smells like smoke.  I want to get it out of here as soon as possible.

She is a very sweet ferret though, and I am happy to have her, despite the surprise circumstance.  Any ideas for a new name?  She is the typical dark colored ferret.  

Now, the real reason for my wanting to post to my Live Journal, not that these past things weren't worth writing about, especially my new puppy  ^_^ *loves her*

I use my LJ to rant and to help make my self feel better.  I haven’t even talked about it yet and I feel better  ^^;

It’s about one of my friends in German class.  She’s awesome, and I’m really happy for her, don’t get me wrong.  I guess I’m just . . .  jealous?  That doesn’t seem quite like the right word.  A while ago she and her boyfriend of 2 years had a mutual break up.  She started taking an interest in another guy, and seemed to want to go with him for about a month. 

While she was still considering him, a guy from our German class asked her out.  She went on a date with him, but he was really arrogant and pushy.  From this, she started thinking and realized that she didn’t want the first guy, or the guy she just when out with. 

At an “End of German” party, another guy from German started showing interest, and she still hasn’t told the first guy from German that she’s not interested.  Can you start to see where I’m a little . . . jealous?  That still isn’t the right word.  The break up was about 2 months ago, but all the boy stuff is in the past 2 weeks, and the party was this past weekend.  I’m happy for her, I really am, and I hope it works.  But the last guy who’s shown interest in her, the one from the party, I actually think is cute.  He passes my mental kiss test!  *sigh* 

I know my mother keeps saying I’ve only got 2 years here and that I don’t need a guy to distract me and a bunch of other logical stuff, but all my friends here are like “it’s 2 years!”  That’s ‘forever,’ apparently, at this age.  Is there something. . .  wrong? to mature? about/with me that I’m already planning things not to happen because of what’s going to happen in 2 years?  Not that I even have options at this point to not plan for.

I guess it’s just kinda . . . weird? for me to see one of my friends have so many guys, and spend her time out and what not, and what do I do?  I rescue a puppy, and a ferret, while I stay home and study.  I don't go out and party nearly as much as she does.  What do I have to do?  Get drunk and need a guy to be with me while I fall asleep at the party house?  Do I need to play the damsel in need of rescuing to get a guy in this town to even talk to me? 

Maybe I should just go out barring a lot, since this stupid small town doesn’t even have a freaking club >.<  If we had a club, I would be there all the time!  Well, I’d at least try to get there once every 2 weeks.  This town, and its events just aren’t my scene. *shrugs* 

So, this begs the question, why am I even looking for a guy here?  Why shouldn’t I just focus on my studies, and work with my dogs and help ferrets in need while watching all my friends happily find men they are delightfully happy with >.<  Did you know I’m the only one of ALL of my friends who is still single?  Every single one has a man, except the one from German who has over 3 men trying to get with her.  

It makes me want to ask what’s wrong with me, but that list is way to long, and yet for this circumstance, not long at all.  If that makes sense.  Maybe I’m just a freak *shrugs*




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Time:01:42 am
Current Mood:cheerfulcheerful
My mother is fostering for Animal Haven in Merriam KS, and these are her current charges. They are up for adoption toward the end of May 2010! I am posting this on April 10th, 2010. These little guys are Rat Terriers. The mom is Mia, but Animal Haven has her listed as Sara. My mother has been calling her Sara-Mia. The puppies are Aloysius, Bethany, Calvin, Daria, Ella and Fin. I name some of them in the video, but if you have questions about a certain one, please ask!

Sara-Mia is looking for a forever home as well, and will also be up for adoption at the end of May, 2010. She is a very sweet, loving lap dog, and is very well behaved! We aren't sure if she's house broken because we've kept her with the puppies, but she reliably uses the puppy training pads we put down.

This video was taken just after the puppies ate, so their pen is slightly messy, but we cleaned it up after they went to sleep. I had to cut a few bits out to make it a length youtube would take, so if you see random splits, that's why.

My dog Anika also briefly appears in this (solid black and tan, mainly stays behind me), and she is most definitely not for sale, lol

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Subject:mmm . . . stuff
Time:08:33 pm
Current Mood:blahblah

Wow, is life going to be busy for a while!

So, for one, I’ve been WAY procrastinating my online organic chemistry lecture, so now I have to do a semesters work in half a semester  >.<  I went ahead and scheduled my 3 exams, so I have no more excuses.    Yay for cramming! 

At least the lab is almost over.  I only have one lab left to do for the rest of the semester!  *dances*  Sorry if this post is a little more  . . . odd than normal.  I’m on my second pot of coffee today, and extremely sleep deprived.

My history class has turned up the dial this half of the semester.  I have a total of 6 reports to write.  I’ve already done 2, and am working on the 3rd.  It’s crazy busy!  I have so much less time now.  Hopefully the lack of a lab will help greatly.  I won’t have to work on post-lab reports, or pre-lab reports, not to mention no 5-hour lab. 

German has also turned up the dial.  I have an exam next Monday, and 2 different portfolio entries due.  I only had one last half.  I have been very busy with chemistry, and I am sorry to say that German has started to take a back seat.  I need to start studying more!  T___T

Enough with school now.  It’s only reminding me that I’m procrastinating writing that 3rd paper for history.  Time for a new topic!

I don’t think I’ve talked about this on my LJ, but I’ve been wanting another dog.  I’ve felt that there has been a presence missing from my apartment since last semester.  It took me a few months to realize what was missing, but I finally figured out it was a dog.

I have been popping around on Pet Finder, and had prospects, but they haven’t turned out well.  The first dog I looked at was a Toy fox Terrier named Sammy.  She had a permanent slight head tilt from being beaten, but was a sweet, normal dog other wise.  I had submitted the application, agreed upon a price and was waiting on confirming the place to pick her.  The woman I was corresponding with had been very prompt with emails, responding a few times a day, but then there was a 2 day delay and then I got this email – it’s a direct copy/paste:


“I am very sorry for the delay...one of our regular volunteers has fallen in love with Sammy and took her home yesterday to foster for a while, but now she has decided to keep her. I am very sorry, but I am grateful for the interest. If there is someone else in mind that cought your eye please let me know. Hope all is well.”


I was SO angry!  I had claims to the dog way before the volunteer had even met her! That was a while ago, but reading that email again makes me angry all over.  It was horribly disrespectful, and made me feel like crap.  I even cried!  I sent a very angry but respectful email in return.

The next one I looked at was another Toy Fox Terrier (noticing a theme?).  The person I was corresponding with responded with in a few days of my emails, but then the delays kept getting longer and longer.  When she did respond, she didn’t answer any of the questions I asked.  I had to go through another worker in the same rescue organization to find out that the dog  “seems to really enjoy the backyard, so he is not available for apartments.”  What dog doesn’t like a backyard!?  Seriously?!  I walk mine 3 times a day, which is very good for them psychologically, and better for them then just being let out into backyard.  BETTER!  Oh, did I mention that a friend of mine in school has a service dog, and my dogs are better behaved that her dog?

I was ready to give up on getting a dog all together, when I was sent a link from one of the organizations I was looking at.  It was for a 3 year old Italian Greyhound on Craigslist.  I actually went out and got him, but when I brought him back to my parents house, he fell in love with my mothers Italian Greyhound.  I told my mom it was ok if she kept him, and she fell in love with him instantly.  She now says she can’t imagine life without him  ^^; 

This now starts the second round of me getting my mother a dog, and then she getting me one.  I ‘got’ her Timmer, and she ‘got’ me Anika.  Timmer was supposed to be mine, and Anika hers, lol. 

So, I am still without a dog, but, my mother has started fostering for Animal Haven!  You can see where this is going. 

Her first charges were 2 Italian Greyhound puppies, and now it’s a Toy Fox Terrier mom and her 6 puppies.  Notice the dog breed?  These latest dogs were seized from a hoarder’s house.  There were at least 20 dogs on the property, and over 6 had full litters.

I have been looking for Toy Fox Terriers, and now I get to hand select my dog from a full litter!  Then raise it exactly how I want it to be, and don’t have to work with damage!  *dances*  Though, there is a chance I will end up with the mother dog, I’m pretty sure I’ll get a puppy. 

There is a reason I’ve been looking at Toy Fox Terriers.  The first dog I ever helped put to sleep when I worked at the clinic was a Toy Fox Terrier.  I held the little guy while he was injected.  He was only 2, and was being put down for biting.  The owner had tried drugs and obedience classes, but when he bit her 1 year old, she said no more.  She didn’t even try to find him a different home!  He was trembling the whole time I held him, and I can still remember vividly how he just went limp in my arms . . . *cries and grabs a tissue*

I now understand that he was a fear bitter, and now know how I could have helped him and made him normal again.  If only I had known then!  It still makes my cry thinking about it, because I could save him now!  I could!  And the fact that I couldn’t then  . . .  I’ve always regretted that.  I love the breed of Toy Fox Terrier, and I feel that if I rescue one, maybe my guilt will be a little less.

I really should get to that paper now.  I hope all is well with you all!

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